He is Heading out to Sea

And on Wednesday he is heading out to sea... Getting in some Mike snuggles while they still can. Mike has been home for the last week working his way through a tedious set of instructional modules and taking online tests for certification in something I have no hope of understanding. Then yesterday he got his 'ship out' orders and he will be leaving on Tuesday for his first Gulf offshore well project. It will be good to start having those nice paychecks rolling in again but still, we will miss him and worry about him being out there on deep water. It will all be worth it when we can get settled into a more or less reliable routine instead of the long stretches we went without him being able to come home over the last two years. I'm always a little shocked and puzzled when women tell me how much they look forward to their husbands being gone on hunting trips and so on...Mike and I actually like each other and the separations are definitely not the part of our relationship that we enjoy! I want to be Ellie in my next life! We have gotten to have a couple of good work sessions with the horses and as always, I have been impressed at how quickly Mike grasps the fundamentals of horse training and how deep his connection to his horse is.

Most adults new to working on those levels struggle with it and for Mike it comes intuitively. Llego even tested him a bit and they worked through it. I'm always glad to finally see the 'challenge' in a young horse, it lets me know just what we might be up against in the future. With Llego it was so benign that it made me appreciate him all the more. Duffy in the spotlight. Don't you love that face? The winds are still blowing and the fire danger is still on red alert here. There is a new chance for rain towards the early to middle part of next week though, and we can certainly hope for a bit of relief from 9% humidity and skin scouring winds. At least we don't live down in the valley where it is even more relentless. What are you looking at?' Do you think they get tired of me constantly pointing a camera at them? And for me, my back pain is creeping back up because I thought I could make two weeks between acupuncture appointments. I was maintaining because I had an appointment scheduled for Monday, then got a call saying my acupuncturist would be gone for two weeks because her daughter-in-law had a baby! Jody, I'm thrilled for you and so very glad mom and grandbaby are well and healthy and I can't wait to hear about them...just hurry back please!

Valentine's Day '13

Guess what important day is coming soon? Yes, you guessed it right: Valentine’s Day is only a few weeks from now. Single or committed, you can’t ignore this internationally celebrated day. The only difference is that those who are in love will spend a little bit more money than the single ones. Speaking about spending, a beautiful present offered to your loved one on this day should give you a free pass to more "yes, dear" than the regular "hell, no!". This could actually turn into your favorite holiday if you play your cards right. So, here are some tips for all men without a plan: 1. This year, you will start impressing her one day earlier. On the 13th, surprise her with a simple "Would you be my Valentine?" card. I don’t care if you have been married for a few years now, just do it. A little traditional touch couldn’t hurt. On the contrary! 2. It’s Valentine’s Day, of course she expects red roses when you see each other after work. If you insist on giving her red roses at least be a little bit less predictable. Make sure she finds them when she wakes up so she knows you are willing to make her feel special all day long.

3. Telling her how much you love her is crucial on this beautiful Valentine’s Day so check this website www.shortlovepoems.eu for great love poems. It never fails. 4.  You have to give her a present that is not flowers or chocolates. Women think they are in title of getting those every day of the year so surprise her with something else (anything besides kitchen tools; that is never a good idea)! The shortest way to a girl’s heart is showing her you don’t care if you make a fool of yourself in order to show her how much you love her. You have got to do something stupid that you wouldn’t normally do: wear pink underwear to work if it’s her favorite color, take her out wearing a T-shirt "Happy to date the girl of my dreams", take her to karaoke and sing for her love ballads, learn love poems by heart, etc. You won’t have to worry about the present she gets you; it won’t be half as good as yours so she will have to repay you one way or another. Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!

Dolores Poacelli Studio Visit

Dolores Poacelli worked for many years as a graphic designer before turning her attention to being a full-time artist. She often works in series that can have up to 90-something pieces, depending on how obsessed she is with any certain idea. Her studio is dead in the heart of the Italian Market, where she says that she's the "Last Italian Left", and that's only a slight exaggeration since the demographics of the area have moved over the years from primarily Italian immigrant families to a mixture of asian, Mexican and South American immigrants. Dolores Poacelli will be showing work at AxD Gallery in a two-person show with Paul Davis Jones. "Resonances and Reflections" runs from May 20 to June 18th.

Just Don't do it for You

My wife and I talk a lot more than we did before she and I had affairs. I always thought we communicated well, and it was what held our marriage together. We had communicated well at the interpersonal awareness workshop we were attending when we met, and I always thought that had carried on. I could not have been more wrong. Instead we both became less inclined to share ourselves with our partner as a result of real, perceived, or imagined emotional attacks or injuries. Now we talk more, and the conversations don't always flow smoothly. Sometimes we have these talks with the aid of our therapist. More often these days we are able to do it on our own, although we still see him about twice per month as a couple. Sometimes, during these talks, my wife comes up against our differences, what I have called incompatibilities in the past, and she will say "Maybe I just don't do it for you". And maybe she doesn't. But with two lovely daughters to care for, we are strongly inclined to stay together for their sake. They are busy now with coloring pages and others activities for children their age. After all, my wife and I don't yell, scream, or throw things at each other. We are not emotionally or physically abusive.We are just not as happy as we should be. Or at least I am not as happy as I should be, most times my wife can be pretty happy with me. Last night I had a dream that caused me to awake with a start, and have a hard time returning to sleep. For months now I have had a recurring dream. In it, I have a project that I am working on with, or for, my wife. It's something that doesn't quite make sense, something about lending her a certain number of cd's or something like that. But the project is something I am doing at the request of her and her therapist. And for awhile now its been not making any progress. And then last night, in my dream, my wife told me that her therapist said "Perhaps you are just not that into her" I guess I know what to talk to my therapist about tomorrow. That and the feelings I had last Thursday, about which I already posted.

Writing Chapters

I'm feeling a little discouraged after my session this afternoon with my therapist. I talked about my feelings of not making much progress during the past 9 months of marital counseling. And the feeling that most of what led me to an affair remains the same. His response, among several, was that I might be surprised to know how many couples divorce after their children graduate high school. And that our lives often have many chapters to them, and perhaps this is just one of many that will be the story of my life. And how he knows many people that divorced later in life and remarried to find levels of fulfillment and joy that they had not thought possible. Oh, and some cryptic references to finding someone that would make me genuinely happy once I was more available, should my path eventually lead to divorce. Not very cheerful stuff. Perhaps I have been still hoping to find that magic button that would improve things for me, the way my wife seems to have found a way to be happier than she was several years ago. But after my conversations today with my therapist, that seems a lot less likely now.

I Was Being Watched

The little converted two car garage Bill and I lived in for a couple of years actually had four rooms and a full bath. There were two bedrooms on one side, with the bath off the one in the back of the “house” and a very small living room and eat in kitchen on the other half. The bath had a clawfoot tub, a toilet that you couldn’t use unless you closed the door, and a tiny sink in between. Over the tub was a regular size window and I only covered the lower half as I like a lot of light, plus we backed up to an unused field so I wasn’t concerned about being seen while in the bath. Now, I don’t know about your guys, but when my girls were toddlers, they didn’t want me out of their sight. I learned early on that it was easier just to leave the bathroom door open so that I didn’t have to listen to “Mom? What are you doing? Or “Mom? When will you be out?” over and over again. Privacy, at that time of my life, was rare indeed. So, when Bill suggested he take the girls out with him to do yard work one fine spring afternoon so that I could take a leisurely bath by myself, I jumped on the chance.

And then I jumped into the tub after filling it with warm, scented water, opened my book and, as I lowered myself almost completely under water, I felt like I’d be able to relax for a change. Outside, I could hear the girls squealing with delight, most likely at something silly their dad was doing to make them laugh, and I smiled. It was a beautiful day, all the windows were open to let in the balmy Savannah air and I could smell the scent of freshly mown grass. Heaven. The relaxation didn’t last however, because after just a few minutes, my antennae went crazy. Suddenly, I just knew eyes were on me. I sat up and looked around to the window but could see no one. I tried to settle back into the water, but my unease wouldn’t go away and I began looking all around the tiny bathroom… outside the tub on the floor, on the walls, etc. Anyone knowing my terror of cockroaches will understand when I say I was positive I had company and there was no way I was going to stay in the same room with a roach of any size. As much as I looked, I couldn’t find anything until… I looked up at the open door and there, sitting on top, was a green lizard, staring at me.

I screamed bloody murder, splashed water all over the place getting out of the tub and running into the bedroom, naked as the day I was born. Bill came running inside, telling the girls to stay back as he had no idea what to expect. I grabbed a robe, dripping water all over the place, as I pointed to the doorway. It took Bill a couple of seconds to see the lizard and then… he burst out laughing. The lizard didn’t appear to be the least bit amused or even interested with all the commotion and he just sat there, staring at us until Bill reached up and snatched him off the top of the door. Bill took the lizard outside and released him into some shrubbery where Bill said he would be safe from me. I wasn’t amused either, especially since that pretty much ended my leisurely bath for the day. Then... a couple of weeks later, as I was taking a bath while the girls were napping, I again felt like I was being watched. This time, when I turned around and looked out the window, a pair of human eyes stared back. Scared and shocked, I gasped, grabbed a towel and ran out of the bathroom but for some reason, I didn’t scream. I called Bill whose place of business was only a few minutes away and he was home in about 6 minutes.

When Bill went around to the back of the house, he saw where a bucket had been placed beneath our bathroom window which enabled someone to see in if they were at least 5 and a 1/2 feet tall. We figured it was a teenage boy, so we started asking around the neighborhood if anyone else had had a similar experience. Unfortunately, we discovered the young man of 19 was the son of our landlords, who were embarrassed beyond words. A little more investigation and the kid admitted he was the peeping tom. It turned out that some of our neighbors knew it was him but, because his parents were such good people, they didn’t want to call the police. Neither did we after the landlords convinced us their son would be getting help for his little problem. Needless to say, I installed full size window treatments in our bathroom immediately after this incident. Even though I never saw another lizard on top of the door or another peeping tom at the window, I was glad to have such keen instincts. And eventually, I did get another chance to have a relaxing bath.

What are You Listening to?

Do you listen to music constantly? I do. My tastes are all over the map. Currently I have been mixing in a little heavy metal and hard rap with my regular tunes, mostly as a result of my workouts at the health club. I purchased an iMix entitled Pumping Iron, put together by the good folks at Apple, and it included some music that I never would have thought to give a listen. But some of those songs go great when lugging around heavy dumbbells (anything over 55 pounds I call heavy). I have also discovered a service called www.lala.com that facilitates trading CD's, and stumbled upon a site that have nothing to do with my music preferences but it make's me think about my weight problem. It's not very good if you are looking to expand your permanent collection. But it's allowed me to sample some music I wouldn't normally buy. As well, the possibility exists to rip the cd onto your pc and then trade it to someone else. You do pay approx. $1.99 for each cd you receive. But with iTunes charging half that for one song, it's a pretty good deal. 'Course, they don't have everything you might want to hear, like Earth Wind and Fire by example, but it's okay.